i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i love accidental penises.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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