I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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