I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
