I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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