when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
