o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
