i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
