I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
