i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
