we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
