i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
