Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
