I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
