Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
