I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
