You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
