One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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