I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
