how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
