i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
