First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
