I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
