What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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