I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
