They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
