i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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