Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
