then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Can Purell be used as lube?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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