We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
