last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Is it because I queefed?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
