I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
