how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
