I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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