Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
