I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Your tits are I can't wait for
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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