too bad you live with your parents still
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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