Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I fill condoms, not promises.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
