There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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