I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
