Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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