Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
