I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
