You work out of a Hotel?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
