Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
