She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
