Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Pants are for mortals
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
