woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
