To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
