I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
