Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
