Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
