I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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