these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hellâ€.
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