Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
