Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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