All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
