i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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