All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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