yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
