I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
