the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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