It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
