I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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