Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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