I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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