Someone shit on the floor
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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