Fine. I'll sleep in my office
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
