after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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