are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
