Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The adults are the big ones right?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
